28 weeks: Baby BOY is on the way!

It has been way too long since I posted - time is flying.  I've been meaning to share our joyous news of baby brother's expected arrival mid-summer.  Yep, that's right folks, Hudson is going to be a big brother.  We are so excited to meet baby brother and to have two boys just shy of two years apart.  I have to admit, part of the delay in posting to the blog has been denial that this is really happening despite the months of tears and hopeful prayers asking God to bless us with another baby.  My hope in writing this post is to convince my mind of what it longs for: hearing baby's first breath of air and cry - incredible moments just a few months away.  My heart and body are fully aware of the blessing growing inside of me.  It is almost as if baby kicks and rolls around when my mind begins to wander in disbelief of God's amazing miracle cooking inside of me.

When we decided we wanted to try for another baby we knew that it may take awhile, despite Hudson being a surprise, so we began trying in June 2014.  And boom, just like that, we had a positive pregnancy test by the end of cycle.  In complete shock and not fully ready to have two babies at once, I broke out into a panic for a week straight.  Then within a week or two we miscarried.  The guilt that followed was so intense. Unbearable actually.  Which only made the next few months of trying that much harder.  And to top it off, it seemed like everyone on Facebook was announcing their Spring babies.  I wanted to be happy for their upcoming miracles; how could I not given the our amazing baby Hudson.  The remorse of losing our baby was gut-wrenching.  Looking back, the silver linings in the situation have been vast despite not being able to meet that sweet babe in our lifetime on Earth.  My appreciation for others' journeys towards creating their own families has heightened and I now understand just how lucky I am to be Hudson's mother.  

Every so often though I wish I could go back to blissfully ignorant pregnancy days.  The days when I knew no matter what Hudson would arrive around his due date and take his first breath.  Oh how I long for those days.  I was unaware of how quickly my life would change with him.  Beyond those first months full of diaper changes, sleepless nights, and breastfeeding struggles.  I'm talking about the intense, overwhelming, unavoidable love and hope for another human being that goes way beyond any other feeling I've ever experienced before.  True unconditional love.  While I would never truly want to go back to my pre-baby ignorance, easing the pain here and there of love's vulnerability would be nice.  That same love runs just as deeply for our angel baby as well as the baby boy growing inside of me now.  It also is a love I've learned to foster for my other loved ones too, despite the backlash of the vulnerability factor at times.  Now that I am a mother, I understand the "no risk, no reward" saying.  Being open to life's joys requires vulnerability to life's struggles.

Despite my incredibly hormonal post (thank you third trimester), we are over the moon excited to meet baby brother.  He truly is a miracle baby for us as we struggled a lot in the first trimester, and had a slight scare right around when the sonogram pictures below were taken.  And yes, baby brother does have a name.  We aren't terribly good at secrets over here so you may already know his name, but we aren't openly sharing it with everyone just yet.  Here are some pictures of baby brother so far. 

Looking forward to meeting him early July!  Due date is July 7th, 2015.

And below is our social media announcement - we held off on this until 20 weeks.  Definitely a love/hate post this time around.  So very excited and wanted to celebrate his life, but also much more cognisant of others feelings.  You never know the battles others are facing, and while they may want to be happy for you, their own struggles could be weighing down their hearts and minds.